Friday, February 26, 2010

Calling Someone "Son" to Demonstrate Your Point Isn't Intimidating

Our post today comes from John Ozkirbas. He is a lawyer. And he will see you in court.

In fact, it's the exact opposite of intimidating. Calling someone "son" or "boy" in a low, gruff tone tells me that you, for some inconceivable reason, believe that I should bestow upon you immediate, unconditional respect and submittal. Here, in the real world - where no one is innately tuned to how ever many perceived accomplishments you probably don't have - all that does is make the rest of us think you're a douche. Personally, I'm naturally contrarian. Anytime anyone says that anything is absolute my immediate response is, "No that can't be true. That is impossible. You, sir, are wrong." This is especially true for general people not willing to speak to me on an even playing ground - particularly if it's someone I barely know. There are only limited circumstances where this phrase is acceptable:

1. You Are Either God, Jesus, or Other Religious Massiah.
Popular opinion says that God exists, but is more than human. Science says he doesn't. Both of these perspectives disqualifies you from being identified as any of the above.

2. You Are, In Reality, My Biological Father
I provide my father a lot of deference when addressing me for several reasons: 1) He's 50% responsible for my being here 2) We're directly blood-related 3) He actively earns my respect on a daily basis. You, being my father, is just as likely as if you were God. As such, I'm moving on.

3. You Are a Professional Wrestler Who Is Currently In Character
I generally presume that this is not true , but this is the most probable suggestion as I do not currently watch professional wrestling. If you are capable of convincing me that this is true, you're probably large enough for me to let it go. Still, a rather high standard to meet and highly improbable, to boot.

4. You Are Famous Character Actor Sam Elliot
Pretty much as likely as being God, but I'd probably be more excited if this was true, if it's any consolation.

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns - I advise checking yourself into an institution, as your only retort is going to be "Yes, in fact, I am God." No worries, though, most states are pretty lenient when it comes to voluntary commitment.


Stephen said...

The guy in the photo reminds me of Michael Gambon.

I would submit anyone over the age of 100 who is trying to tell me a light-hearted big fish story from his or her childhood can use "sonny" to get my attention.

Mike said...

Hilarious. I'm easily confronting people too, so, I get upset really fast when someone talk to me like any figure of authority. But what I hate most: Is when someone who can't prove anything turn himself into a "I'm better so shut up" way. Like a "Its true, cause I'm your father."


"Do it like this."
"Even if there is like, twelve million possibility other than this way? Why?"
"cause its like that."

Revolting. Great blog!